Listen In

Have you ever woken up with a thought that you have something to say, something to share and you just know that, while it may feel uncomfortable to share or offer your thoughts, you know that you have to do it? For me, that feeling often happens when I am journaling, or more accurately, contemplating journaling but avoiding it because I know that I am going to uncover something that I need to get out, but may not be ready to hear. Yep, I totally avoid being real with myself sometimes. Because it feels easier to 'keep it light' or just focus on the things I think I have control over, versus the things that feel hard or stuck.

A few things happened in the last week that struck me emotionally, from opposite ends of the emotion spectrum. The first was an email that I got from a former colleague who sent me a note and part of it said "in case I never told you", which made me reflect on how often someone has impacted my life and how much it meant to me to hear the words, and whether I have said them enough to those who have influenced me.

The second thing was an Instagram post from a celebrity. Chrissy Teigen shared a very personal and gut wrenching post about her miscarriage of her son. I immediately felt my eyes fill with tears and my first thoughts were filled with sadness and grief and connection. And I thought about my own loss, many years ago, and how it can still make me catch my breath with grief at the most unexpected moments.

The next thing was a really empowering call with a friend, a mentor and someone who has believed in me, even sometimes before I believed in myself. We talked about life and goals and perspectives and she reminded me of something really important - I am choosing different thoughts because I have put in the work to be able to choose those thoughts. It was such a simple statement but it was one of those moments where I paused to consider that my thoughts are the reason I am where I am - whether I like where I am or not.

As I experienced these moments, you might be wondering - what do they have in common? Here is the funny thing about listening in on ourselves - sometimes it takes that moment to remember that we have everything we need. So, I took the time to listen to what I was hearing and to really allow myself to just listen without judgment or avoidance or trying to be in control. I listened when I allowed myself to journal freely, without judgment of what might come up. I listened when the words came, jumbled and rambling and all over the place. I listened when I had feelings of sadness and anger and joy and motivation. And, I heard that I needed to allow myself the space to experience emotion, both good and bad, and to really be present with myself. Finding my voice was really about listening to my voice.

So, I allowed myself the space to feel the joy and happiness of having a connection with someone that has positively impacted them and then I thought about how I want to use that emotion to fuel myself and my future actions. I listened to my voice and it led me to connect with that friend and mentor and to be in the mindset to listen to my voice and what came up - whatever it might have been.

And, I listened to myself to allow the space to cry and feel the emotions of loss, recognizing that grief is personal and can ebb and flow throughout life and it is not something that I have to feel once and put away. I did not crawl back into bed and quit the day (it was a thought!), I did not shove my emotions away with avoidance or buffering (but I was tempted to!). I did not tell myself that I could have one good cry and be done (why do I think there are 'appropriate' ways to experience sadness?). I just gave myself the space to experience the emotions and I listened to myself, for all of it, for what I liked, for what I did not and for where I wanted to go.

So, next time you have the chance, listen in on your voice, pay attention to your thoughts and don't forget that every thought, every belief is a choice we get to make. How do you want to think about your goals? your life? your relationships? your career? Listen in and you might just uncover the exact thoughts that are propelling you forward or the ones that are keeping you where you are. Either way, listening may be exactly what you need to do.